In the late summer and fall of 2014, my OCD hit a peak, making it the most difficult time of my life. For those who don’t know, OCD stands for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Most victims of this disorder experience multiple, repeated intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are unwanted and are caused by the OCD; they can range from violent actions, to sexual impulses, to religious sins. Again, these thoughts are very unwanted and go directly against the victim’s moral beliefs. In order to find relief from these, one will usually perform rituals or compulsions. For me, the compulsions consisted of hair pulling, beating myself, and refusing to eat. I became severely underweight and had to cut my hair because it was so damaged. All for the purpose of punishing myself because of the intrusive thoughts that weren’t even my own. At the time, I truly hated myself and I thought Yehovah did as well.

I also began to wash my hands repeatedly in order to eat, fearing that I had touched something unclean. Added to that was my compulsion when reading books, poems, anything. If I had an intrusive thought, I would have to reread the last sentence. Then that turned into the last paragraph. Eventually I was reading the same page over and over again, trying to prevent another evil thought. I usually didn’t succeed. This also made it nearly impossible for me to read the Bible in order to seek help.

As quickly as possible, my parents had me see a psychiatrist, who gave me antidepressants. They allowed me to calm my mind enough in order to see reason. Eventually my parents were able to talk to me, without me responding irrationally. They told me that every time I do a ritual, I am engraving the thought in my mind. Think of it like this: If you’re studying for a test, you usually write down notes and terms. The more often you write it down, the more the information will stick. With OCD, the notes are the intrusive thoughts and the writing it down is the compulsions. Every time I did a compulsion, the action I was doing physically would instantly relate itself to my memory, making the thought more prominent. Once I realized that the compulsions made everything worse, I quickly reverted back to my normal, happy self. If it hadn’t been for Yehovah giving me a supportive, caring, and patient family, I would not be here today. Not only that, but the moment I put my trust and fate in his hands, I felt peace. I no longer need to punish myself. That is Yehovah’s job.

Now, I’m telling this to not only to praise Yehovah for saving me but to encourage anyone with OCD to fight for their life. OCD is an endless war inside your own mind, but you can win most battles. No, it never goes away, (I still have mild PTSD about reading books), but it can get infinitely better. Imagine no more stress, no more hurting yourself. It is possible.

Another reason for writing this article is to inform people without OCD, so they may better understand what a majority of people are going through. The book ‘Brain Lock’ by Jeffrey M. Schwartz helped my family to truly understand me and my disorder.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. May Yehovah be with you.